Would it be depressing if I were to say that I sometimes appreciate distress? Like today, when I witnessed an accident on the interstate when everything was silent and some of the cars kept zooming along… I immediatedly zoned-out and thought about how quickly things change… and when I mean “change, ” I don’t mean like I changed my mind and decided not to go to the movies, I mean, in less than a moment, my life changed and my health changed and everything about me changed. It was really shocking but I didn’t cry. I wanted to. And it made me feel so detached & now I cant do anything but furrow my brow and stare at something 1000 yards away. What happened? Who was hurt? Was it anyone’s fault? Did someone die? For less than a second I was confused and less than a second later I was sad and less than a second later I was shocked and surprised. And now, hours later, I am re-playing those visions over and over. I am incredibly distressed and hope I get drunk tonight. Now, I enjoy listening to sad songs and pretending to lament with people ive never met, when I should be troubled and concerned about the people who I actually do know. I feel like I slip into sadness the same way a light flashes in and out of life. And then I really can’t talk to you in a way that is caring, responsive, or mutually concerned. Like I have no inflection in my voice and then I am able to determine that I am indeed depressed. The discussion of the psyche is an incredibly dense one. Sometimes I wish I had powers of observance over anyone. Then I would be able to learn about myself. Empathy is one of my best qualities, second only to my cooperation with distress. If someone told me to ‘forget about it’ I could only say ‘that would be even more disturbing’